Dear Maire,
I’ll post a new part every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So we begin.
“December something or another, 2015.
I don’t know where I’m going to school next year, and that scares me. I currently go to a public school. My parents want me to go to a private school. Probably because they went to the best private schools in the countries they grew up in.
Why don’t I want to go?
I know it’s shallow, but I’m afraid I won’t have any friends. I make the excuse that the music program at private isn’t as good, but it is. The drama program, however, might be better where I’m going now. See what I’m doing? Now, whatever my through process is, I start rattling off a pros and cons list.
I guess the main difference is that private gets me a better shot at getting into an Ivy school. They take 1 from each private school class of 100, and 1 from each public school district’s class of 1200. The odds aren’t in my favor if I stay where I am. What am I saying? I hate statistics! I think they make data points out of people that cannot be generalized upon, and here I am, no better than my father! (He’s an actuary)
And now that my current school is starting with registration for next year, I don’t know where my allegiance lies. Why bother put my heart into something if it’s just going to backfire? Why should I sell myself to interviewers at a school I don’t want to go to?
I’m really just confused. It’s a constant storm cloud in my head that won’t stop thundering. I placed in the 97 percentile in the test that goes with my application. Is that good? Great? Good enough? I. Don’t. Know.
The biggest reason I don’t want to move schools: my friends. They are the one thing I couldn’t find anywhere I looked at private – real. I don’t know what I would do without them. They’re also a reason I want to leave. I mean, yes I can have conversations with them about philosophy and the problems of mankind, but hanging out with the punks/geeks doesn’t put me on the best terms with administration.
Think of it: a fresh start. All the mistakes I’ve made, lies I’ve regretted, targets on my back would be wiped away. No one would know anything about me, and I could restart.
But is that a good thing? It’s taken me until now to gain the respect of my peers. I have a reputation: the smart one. The one who’s sarcastic and witty as hell, but if you’re on of her few friends, she treats you right. She’s kind and caring to the majority of people, but don’t piss her off or hells wrath be upon you.
By the way, none of those were my own words. Those were the words of my classmates, whom were asked by my friends their opinion of me. Do I really want to give that up? When I walk down the halls, I get a dozen hellos from various acquaintances from various activities. Building hundreds of bridges took years. Burning them seems idiotic.
So, I thought writing it all down would make me feel better. It doesn’t. I’m still confused. And by the time a letter comes in late February from private, I need to decide whether to cry tears of joy or sorrow.”
Sincerely,
Adi
AdiMaire. 